Ya know, ya think that after you've been locked up for 24 years you wouldn't see or hear anything especially new. Every once in a while, I'm proven wrong in that theory. Kristin came to work this morning with a tale that shocked even me. Saturday at 10pm when count cleared, Kris descended the stairs, entered the ph one room and called her mother. The phone room is separated from the dayroom by a windowed wall with one windowed door. The rotunda officers have a clear view of this room, as you can imagine.
As mother and daughter chatted, Ruby waltzed in, sat in the other chair facing Kris (there are two phones about 6 inches apart on the wall in the phone room), punched out the code to make a call, and as the phone rang on the other end, Ruby slunk down, pulled out her battery-powered electric razor and, over the buzz of the appliance, mouthed to Kris, "I'm going to masturbate." (Got your attention, didn't I.)
Ruby had called her lover, Boo, who had just paroled a week or so ago. Can you picture this? Kris, who's sitting only a few inches from Ruby, is attempting to act normal and talk to her mother as if this peculiar show were not happening. By this time, Ruby is making all sorts of moans and howls while grinding this buzzing prison vibrator into her crotch—making a big verbal show for Boo on the end of the line. Officers are milling around the rotunda. Other inmates are in the dayroom playing cards and visiting.
Kris gives up and gives some bogus excuse to her mother as to why she needs to say goodbye right now. No one I know can keep this kind of information to herself, so as she's telling a group of card-playing friends, she sees this tiny older black lady who resembles a Ninja turtle enter the phone room, turn on her heel, and immediately emerge with the same weirded-out look on her face that Kris must have worn.
Since you don't know Ruby, let me attempt to describe her. She's not young, but not old, black, tall and wiry, with semi-unkept braids. She's mentally ill, and everyone knows it except Ruby. No one in the history of the world has ever had a sane conversation with her. When I see Ruby staring at me with those wild buggy eyes, I hasten for an exit. She usually asks me some legal question that F. Lee Bailey (I'm sure his name dates me tremendously) could never have answered or complains to me about some prison rule that no one will ever change because it doesn't exist. I enjoy hearing about her off-the-wall exploits, but I never want to be involved with them. Right before Boo paroled, the pair attended aerobic classes just to be together. I tried my best to ignore them then.
Janiece did not do a good job of ignoring them during one class in which we were tag-teaming teachers. Ruby kept wandering around not working out, as usual, but when I had the mic leading step aerobics, Ruby sat down on the bleachers, which is a no-no during aerobics. Janiece went straight for her and out of the corner of my eye, I first thought that Janiece had struck her because Ruby fell back and rolled around wailing on the foot area between the seats of the bleachers. In reality, Ruby had seen Janiece coming for her and hurled herself backward acting like she was hurt. Janiece was mad as a wet hen.
To finish this Ruby story, about 30 minutes after Kris gave up on her call; Ruby left the phone, went straight to the bathroom to was her hands, and then wandered around the dayroom bothering people as if nothing strange had happened. Kris is still shaking her head in disbelief.
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